An open letter to Adam Duritz

So, anyone who knows me well knows that I have a weird "obsession" with Adam Duritz - who is in the band Counting Crows. It is not the "fan girl" obsession where I obsessively follow every single event in his life - who hes seeing, who he's friends with - anything like that.

This is what I do when my husband washes dishes,
not what I do when I listen to A. Duritz.

It's more like I am addicted to his music. I love his voice, his passion, and the way he articulates himself. His music inspires me; it soothes me - when I put on a Counting Crows album it feels like I am talking with an old friend or reading my favorite book once again. So, ya - I just wanted to clarify that when I say "obsessed" I do not mean ape-shit crazy stalker obsessed.

Nor do I mean "ape-shit crazy enough to a (really bad) life-sized tattoo of his head on my body." 

So, without further delay, here is the letter that will never be read by its intended recipient!

So, here it is three or four hours before I have a paper due for school, and I am writing a person that will never see - or even remotely care about - what I am writing. That should tell you a little something about my state of mind! But here is what I want to say...your music, your lyrics, hit me hard when I was a teenager in the mid 90's.

Ya. This was pretty much how I dressed then. I don't dress that differently now, sadly.
Picture found here: http://fashionwithnina.blogspot.com.au/2009/11/comfortably-numb.html

 Like many people, Round Here hit me hard - I related to it on levels I did not yet understand. 

Years rolled by and my mental illnesses seemed to get worse. I was diagnosed and hospitalized for manic depression and other assorted illness in 1997. The medication never really helped. I jumped from bad situations to worse - got married to a very abusive, very controlling husband who nearly killed me. Through it all, your music - the Counting Crows - was one of the bands that allowed me to relate to another human being - even though it was in an abstract way.

After a messy divorce and a few traumatizing events in my life, I sunk harder. I drifted away. I found that I was no longer the girl that laid in bed drawing and listening to music all day - I was no longer the girl that wrote bad poetry and found inspiration everywhere. I had disassociated from life - pulled away and locked away. I fell in love, got married again - but I, to this day, have problems relating to him the way I should. A few years ago I found myself drifting back into your music - having a kind of 90's revival. 

One of the really cool things about C. Crows is they are just as
amazing live as in a studio...maybe more so.

I found songs that gave me a feeling of deja vu when I listened to their lyrics. I thought, "This guy knows exactly how I feel." And that was comforting to me - it still is. I have begun to try to find myself again - to find the little girl drawing unicorns and bumblebees - to find who I was before the walls of my fucked up mind came crashing down around who I am and who I want to be. I want you to know that there are people like me whose soul you speak to - whose heart you inspire. I am still fighting this thing - this "fog" - but I know that when it begins to be too much to bear I can put on one of your albums and re-center myself for a while. Thanks for that. I wish you, and the band, much more happiness and success and look forward, always, to more of your work.