My first blog entry...

So I begin the daunting task of writing my very first blog post – but what to say? The reality of it is that it probably doesn't matter that much as no one is going to read this. If you are taking time out of your busy day to read this, well….sorry.

 I actually took the time to search for some tips on writing the first blog post and the so-called holy grail of it seems to be….wait for it...be yourself.

The problem with this concept for me is that I am really not that interesting. I have my quirks, don’t get me wrong! But don’t expect any life-changing health tips from me (Gwenyth Paltrow?). 

I guess I should explain the title – manic. poetic. pathetic. I suppose the manic is a reference to my mental illnesses. I was diagnosed with manic depression and institutionalized when I was 16. I have since been diagnosed with a fun-filled array of other things – dissociation issues, PTSD, OCD, and something called major reoccurring depression. Is it all true? Maybe, ask four different psychiatrists and get four different diagnoses. What I do know is – I am sick. I am not violent or seeing things or anything of that nature – I pretty much just always feel like shit and am afraid of everything.

Like Tom Cruise..I will always be afraid of this man, no matter how much therapy I receive. 

 

Poetic – I began writing poetry around the same time my mom gave me her Doors album. I realized that words can mean everything and nothing at the same time.  She bought me a Jim Morrison poetry book and I fell in love. His words were cryptic but they held truth for me. I began to mimic his style – I would use words in my writing that I did not understand. I would make sentences that were hopelessly jumbled – and somehow I kind of pulled it off. Was any of it great? Probably not even close – but it was an outlet for me, and still occasionally is. While I can’t promise you that any of my poetry that I post will be “good”, I can promise that it was a piece of who I was when I wrote it.

Pathetic? Well, as you can probably tell by my description of “manic”, I am not the most positive person. In fact I can sometimes be a real caricature of the sad, depressed woman – it can be bad. Bad to the point that I have few personal connections – probably because no one wants a friend who is always down and leeching the sunshine out of their life. 

Yes, pretty much like that...

Well, I suppose that’s it for now. Thanks for giving me a read. Hopefully I will find enough discipline to post again!