Same old routine

I find that most of my days are extremely boring. Same old routine, same old house, same old me day after day after day. Having an extreme lack of funds tends to limit my capability of going and doing things. Not having a job makes that “one day folding into the next” thing even worse. So what is life like for an unemployed online student? Here is the essential breakdown of my never-ending “day (omitting things like peeing, bathing, taking out the dogs, etc.).

10:00 a.m. (this is being pretty positive – most days it’s more like 12:00 or 1:00 p.m.) – Wake up

10:15 a.m. – Fuck around on Internet

Add lol cats to the table and thats about right

11:00 a.m. – Breakfast

11:20 a.m. – Look for job

2:00 p.m. – School shit

4:00 p.m. – Lunch

4:20 p.m. – More school shit mixed with general fucking off on the Internet

10:00 p.m. – Dinner

10:20 p.m. – More Internets

3:00 – 4:00 a.m. – Pass out

Basically…that’s it. Occasionally I get up and take my husky for a walk at night. Other than that, ya, …lather, rinse, repeat. But occasionally something really weird happens – something that is so surreal that you question whether or not it is actually happening.

The last time this happened to me was about 2 weeks ago. I was (as usual) really bored and decided to take Shao (my husky) for a walk around the block. Our walks are never really that far because I am incredibly out of shape; she is incredibly out of shape; and its sticky, nasty, sweaty Florida in the summer.

Every day in Florida outside of December and January...

I felt pretty good that night. It was late so there was no one around. I was wearing a really comfy broomstick skirt that always makes me feel like a gypsy princess when I wear it, I had makeup on (for once), and Shao seemed excited to go – which at her age (14) is always encouraging. I didn't feel like pulling on socks, so I just slipped on my husband’s (clown shoe-sized) indoor/outdoor slippers and headed out. The walk is pretty easy – flat ground and mostly sidewalk so no need for sneakers, really. Shao and I walked, slowly, around the block. I remember thinking that it was eerily quiet. I have a really unnatural fear of random zombie attacks so I got a little paranoid.

Have you seen Florida news?
Why WOULD'NT I be terrified?

Suddenly, it began to rain. I mean really rain. It didn't even work up to a hard rain as it often does; you know, a small sprinkle that gradually works its way up to a hard rain – nope, none of that bullshit. It felt, in that first moment, like someone was playing a really cruel joke on me; like I was the punch-line to some cosmic joke. 

Ugh...what is it with that guy?

Shao and I stood there for a minute, just in total shock. I began to feebly shield my hair and my makeup from the downpour; I became really agitated. I looked down at Shao who was staring anxiously at the route home, but standing still and patiently waiting for me to start moving. I realized then that life was happening. This simple, every day event was life and I, symbolically and literally, was thrashing and trying to shield myself from it. I gave up and just accepted that yes, I was getting wet by a crazy fucking monsoon; and no, there was nothing that I could do about it. I actually smiled; I laughed and stopped shielding myself. If there had been anyone on that deserted street to see me they would have thought that I was mad; and maybe I am.

 

I composed myself, held my head high, and began the soggy walk home. Shao slowly walked by my side; the rain clearly stressing her out. We trudged on, my long hair a big sopping mess, my makeup streaming down my face. I realized how heavy my skirt was – it was completely wet…like it could not be any wetter if I had jumped in a pool with it on.

 I rounded the corner to the alleyway my apartment is on and I almost twisted my ankle.  The alley was a mixture of wet sand, mud, and rock. The far too big, slip –on house shoes were making very difficult to walk. I considered slipping them off and walking barefoot, but the rock and gravel would hurt my feet really bad. I started to feel a little desperate. My eyes were beginning to hurt from all of the rain water and running mascara. The rain was so loud, pounding off of the tin roofs of sheds and car windows. I have severe PTSD and the sounds, the desperation I was feeling began to turn me to panic. I began to pick up the pace; I tried to jog but I could hardly walk let alone jog with the way the shoes were sticking in the ground. Then I looked up and I saw something that I really didn't expect. There, silhouetted by the light on our patio, was my husband with a huge umbrella.

It was like something out of a romantic comedy, truly!

In this instant all of the panic, all of the desperation went away. Here was this big, strong man braving the weather for me. Without hesitation he put the umbrella in my hand, smiled at me warmly, and took Shao’s leash from me. He asked if I was okay and slowly led me back home when I told him about my ankle. When we got home, we laughed about it and had a good night together. What is the point of all of this? I am not sure, totally, but I know it has something to do with appreciating life right now. When I saw that man walking towards me in the pouring rain, I knew that he would always be there for me. With all of the loss and pain I have had recently it has been hard to see anything positive in my life – but in that moment I saw him, and I knew that everything was okay.