General update!

Things have been pretty crazy over the past several weeks for me. I have wanted to write for quite some time but every time I sit down to do it I get distracted by the mountain of other things I need to do at that moment, which may or may not include Skyrim.

I have begun to go with my husband to his friend’s house once a week for what can only be described as ultimate nerdery. Table-top gaming FTW! I love my husband and I actually really like his friends, so I think that this is a good thing for me. I am thrilled that his best friend has been so accepting of me. I always assumed that he would meet me and be like “Dude; RUN!”, but so far he has not, so far as I can tell. I avoided meeting my husband’s friends for about nine years; mostly because I was terrified that they would not like me and I was ashamed of myself for the way that I look. Now that I have met them I don’t honestly think they care what I look like. I think that they are probably just glad that my husband is happy. I would actually like to get to know them all better, but I don’t want to seem too eager.

We were pre-myspace, but this was
essentially us. 

Speaking of friendships; I have been communicating sporadically with my childhood best friend. It is, in a way bittersweet. I love talking to her. When she and I were younger we were absolutely inseparable. She was my everything. When we were about 16 she and I had a severe falling out and I, stubbornly and stupidly, pushed her out of my life and locked the door. When I talk to her it is wonderful because I still love her so much and I have found that I love who she is, not just who she was when we were young. It also hurts because I think of all of the years that we were apart. I think about how nobody will ever understand me the way that she and I understand one another. I think about all of the wasted years that I was alone and longing for someone to really, really listen to me. I missed out on 15 years of that because of my pride. Now we are together again, but we are not. I can feel the distance between us, the literal and figurative distance, and I fucking hate it. I wish that I could fix it but all I can do is give it what I didn’t give it before – time and love.

Let’s see; what else… I am on month two of my six month pre-op diet before weight-loss surgery. I am not sure if I have written about it before on here, but yeah. Gastric sleeve surgery. It is a pretty big decision and not one that I came to lightly. My health, my self-confidence, and my quality of life are all going to improve tremendously from this. Can I die from it? Yeah. But hell, I could die taking a shower. I want to be able to really live. I want to be one of those people who hikes to Machu Picchu
or swims with dolphins. I want to run. I want to feel like no one is snickering at me because I’m fat when I go to the grocery store. I want to look in the mirror and not hate what I see to the point of wishing for death. Losing weight won’t cure all of that, but I feel assured that it will assist me on that road.

In other news, my dog Addy (aka Khalessi ) resembles, in almost every way, a pot-bellied pig. She sounds like one, as well.
I will be updating with a real posting soon. Thanks for reading!