So I begin the daunting task of writing my very first blog
post – but what to say? The reality of it is that it probably doesn't matter that
much as no one is going to read this. If you are taking time out of your busy
day to read this, well….sorry.
I actually took the
time to search for some tips on writing the first blog post and the so-called
holy grail of it seems to be….wait for it...be
yourself.
The problem with this concept for me is that I am really not
that interesting. I have my quirks, don’t get me wrong! But don’t expect any
life-changing health tips from me (Gwenyth Paltrow?).
I guess I should explain
the title – manic. poetic. pathetic. I suppose the manic is a reference to my
mental illnesses. I was diagnosed with manic depression and institutionalized
when I was 16. I have since been diagnosed with a fun-filled array of other
things – dissociation issues, PTSD, OCD, and something called major reoccurring
depression. Is it all true? Maybe, ask four different psychiatrists and get
four different diagnoses. What I do know is – I am sick. I am not violent or
seeing things or anything of that nature – I pretty much just always feel like
shit and am afraid of everything.
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| Like Tom Cruise..I will always be afraid of this man, no matter how much therapy I receive. |
Poetic – I began writing poetry around the same time my mom
gave me her Doors album. I realized that words can mean everything and nothing
at the same time. She bought me a Jim
Morrison poetry book and I fell in love. His words were cryptic but they held
truth for me. I began to mimic his
style – I would use words in my writing that I did not understand. I would make
sentences that were hopelessly jumbled – and somehow I kind of pulled it off.
Was any of it great? Probably not even close – but it was an outlet for me, and
still occasionally is. While I can’t promise you that any of my poetry that I
post will be “good”, I can promise that it was a piece of who I was when I
wrote it.
Pathetic? Well, as you can probably tell by my description
of “manic”, I am not the most positive person. In fact I can sometimes be a
real caricature of the sad, depressed woman – it can be bad. Bad to the point
that I have few personal connections – probably because no one wants a friend
who is always down and leeching the sunshine out of their life.
 |
| Yes, pretty much like that... |
Well, I suppose that’s it for now. Thanks for giving me a
read. Hopefully I will find enough discipline to post again!
